moneta

Im 25. The first half is done..a lot of things to cherish and some that are worth forgetting. And who said i couldnt make it? You were wrong coz I survived! Life is a continuous search for happiness. If you think its unfair, you have to find ways to prove that its just. And might as well fight the struggles.

My life is different from the others. It may not be picture perfect but Im happy anyway. I learned that we may be rich but lonely or striving but happy. I had so many prayers back then. But soon enough I realized that we cant have everything and thats when I started appreciating what I have: my mum, my loved-ones and every minute of my life wherein I can say Im blessed or maybe luckier than the others.

I also learned that there are really bad creatures in this world who will try to pull you down.And I always ask why they need to make us feel unwanted and make our life miserable. But thanks to them, coz Ive learned to fight and realized tha we can never be good to those who dont like us but be the best to those who do.

Just like a little child. I still have wishes, I wish would come true: To have my mum beside me while she’s young and while Im not yet busy taking care of my own kids and stuff. Ive been a brat, I might say. but I have a heart though. I do have plans like giving my mum a reward for all the great things she has done for me. And just like her I wanna help the needy ones, because there’s sometrhing ’bout helping that makes us as fulfilled as a saint, right?

I wish that I could keep those who love me. Its really rare to find someone who will finish the bottles of beer with you. And Im lucky enough having these people who can smash the bottle on someone’s face for me and will not surely leave me when Im  dead drunk.

And just like a princess, I wish I could find my prince in the old castles of Europe. And I hope that the Queen Mother has a noble heart. But seriously I wish I could win back that someone Ive lost. Its also rare to find someone who can make your second to months and minutes to years. Oh my God! Im gettin’ nostalgic again!

Wishin for more strength and goodlife for years to come..Thanks to my mum who has been there for me, who gave me life..good life I mean! And when all my prayers come true, I could say this life is almost perfect. Cheers everyone!

Oh its almost a year! , time flies really fast. I can vividly remember that night when my aunt called to inform me that Patrick was here. He’s the half-blooded german guy who liked chasing the hens when we were still kids, the li’l boy that i really had a crush on, the boy to whom I first gave a "bon voyage card," the 1st boy I called overseas and the guy that I ignored 4 years ago coz I was so inlove with somebody else.

Goin back..

I hurriedly went home at 6am & went to the internet cafe that night. And I was so shocked when he came there unexpectedly. And you know what?, the only thing I uttered was "hi’. He sat beside me, my heart was pounding that time. I even chatted with my online friends, just to stay longer.I really couldnt sleep that night, so I made a way to get his number from his relative. We talked and decided to meet at the cafe.And when I went there, it was already closed. I was about to cry, but God’s so good, He let me be with my childhood love after so many years of just seeing Li’l Patrick in my dreams. So we went to their house, talked till dawn and held hands..sigh!

We were together every hour as if there was no tomorrow and there was no one else around us.His vacation was so timely coz it was gonna be my birthday. So I chose to celebrate it in Manila so that I could tour him and that he could meet my friends. That is my happiest birthday, I think. Not just because of the very sweet kiss that he gave me when the clock struck at 12, but because my effort to make him happy, even it was really my day, was appreciated and of course I had the chance to see how cute he sleeps..

I really wish the night wouldnt end, that the road would be longer, even if I was so nervous sitting beside his mum..I fell more and more each second and the thought of leaving and seperating really crashed my heart.But sadly, we parted ways before he left coz there were some who couldnt take to see us together.A lot had interfered and things got complicated. So I gave way even if it meant losing my Liebe.So all our plans were set aside, all I could do was to cry over the days that we had.

How can I forget that german guy who always argued with me on french pronuncations coz he’s got a swiss bestfriend, whom I like more when mad, who snobbed other girls coz he already had me, who is so vocal and honest unlike other men, who cracks good jokes in English, who dreamed of riding with me on his bimmer one day, maybe he wanted to show me the Alps?! And amazingly who likes Red Horse more than Heineken? hehe!

How will I ever give up on someone whom I’ve kept in my heart since I was a fat kid. But despite the odds, I still thanked God for the miracle of those few days with John Meyer, in which a lot had happened.

And even if he went away, I still atleast have the memory of my "childhood love."

Im gonna wait patiently for that kiss- a kiss born by the rivers of childhood when we didn’t know yet what love meant.

Last Feb 14 was so great..Was so touched that there were some, aside from my frends, who didnt forget me on that day..But the story aint really bout ‘em..But thanks to ‘em anywayz!

Well, its about this folder in my fon that Ive kept since June 2005, oh my! And last Feb 15, was the day wherein I got the courage to open and read it once again..

So the exchange of texts started when I was in Malate w/ Charles en Ivy..I became a li’l nostalgic after having read all of his sweet texts..t’was like a simple hi in the morning, a thoughtful text at lunch, a surprise text while he was so busy at work, jokes that only us could understand, dreams that we wanted to pursue,and those that show how much he loved and cared for me..sus!

Oh! and also, he composed a personal qoute for an hour tellin me how thankful he was to God for givin him another chance to live & a chance to meet a sweet-loving-caring me..bolero!

Honestly, I really got drowned on him to d point of forgettin a man that i’d been loving for so many yrs..it wasnt that easy..i was so confused, but at the same time i had a very long shiny hair,kiddin!

It lasted for a couple of months, but there are days that i still think of our WHAT-MIGHT-HAVE-BEENS..Yes, he was so sweet, he made me feel so much loved, but i think what I showed him was far from what he expected of me..Or maybe he didnt know me that much to let me go..So even if I was crazy o’er him (thats how my bessy kaye described it), I pretended I wasnt..

So time went by and all we had were hi’s & hellos on several occassions..Was so mad at him coz I felt like I was left in our battle and it seemed like he has hugged our foes..

Until one night, i asked a friend to call him, but was so pissed off when i heard how bitter he was to me..so i grabbed d fon & slandered..After a few minutes he came as if he was mad, called my name & said hi, got off d car and drank w/ us..was so happy even if he hated me for wearin a skirt..hmmp!

we talked bout us and put all d blame on me..he wasnt aware that i was winnin him back secretly..i got dismayed so i just teased him all night and all i heard were sarcastic replies..

but infairness he said goodbye before he went home, not knowin that t’was the last time that i was gonna see him..

but atleast he said sorry, at least he said goodbye and atleast he hugged me for the very last time..i just wished it wasnt that soon..

I can breathe now..

ope we could be friends just like the others

Sorry! I just remembered the Boy..

P.S. If u wanna see the pic above, just click it & have a bigger view..=)

After 22 years, I finally forgave one of the most important persons in my life..

I was so lucky to grow up with an instant family, with my aunt, uncle and cousins who treated me like a real sibling. I always thanked God for that. I didn’t grow with my mom and dad beside me, but never did i feel that I was pitiful or whatsoever. All I could remember was me, wishing for my dad to be with me, to drive me to school, to buy me dolls and to accompany to school gatherings..But those were just dreams of a li’l child who was longing for her parents, most especially to her dad that she never had..

I remembered, he also hurt me..So it came to a point that I already forgot having him in my life, I just appreciated what was given to me..I learned that I can be happy even if he ain’t with me..So I started neglecting him in my life..I also stopped praying that someday I’d meet him..

My 18th birthday came, I invited my granny..When I hugged her..I felt a part of my dad in her arms, but I disregarded that thought..I didnt even thank him in my speech..

After 2 years, my granny died and that was my chance to meet my relatives and my step-siblings, but we never had chance to talk or get to know each other..The old saying is really true that blood is thicker than water, but i don’t know what they really felt towards me..

It was just yesterday when I saw my sister’s page here..I didnt think twice to add her..And I got really surprised when she did..More or less, she knew that Im her sister..So I excitedly check if my dad was on her friends’ list and he is..

I took the risk of adding him, adding that man who neglected me, the man that I used to hate and to curse, but all that anger turned to forgiveness when my dad added me..Even if he didnt say any word, am glad that this day, Christmas, God had heard my old and forgotten prayer..All I want now is to get close with ‘em and have good relationship with my dad without hurting others’ feelings..

Mum was right, no child can truly hate the one who brought her to this world..

In your life you’ll meet a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with… and THE ONE THAT

  GOT AWAY.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact. Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

         So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You’ll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is you..

" When The Last Teardrop Falls by BlaQue"

It’s so hard to lose the one you love
To finally have to say goodbye
You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin’ on
And all that you can do is cry
Deep within your heart you know it’s time to move on
When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone

**When the last tear drop falls
I’ll still be holdin’ on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be

When the last tear drop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you’re here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls

So now I’m alone and life keeps movin’ on
But my destination still unknown, oh yeah
Will there be a time when I’ll fall in love again?
When I was meant to walk these streets alone
If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight
It would be to have you right back by my side

**

Now it’s time for me to find my happiness again
And the emptiness from missin’ you
Will never ever end, baby

**

Zup? Sky? ur usual answer! f u wer just here, i think i already rushed to d mall & buy a present 4 u..i mis dat, definitely m missin the guy i used to call pimp & d only guy who called me beyatch when mad,am i? u were so important 2 me & now m startin to realize thats so hard to lose someone uve been with for the past 3 years, someone who knows me so well, someone who accepted my kaartehan, the only guy who had hurt me so badly & d only guy who made me sooo happy..d’ya know that ur d nastiest & most arrogant guy that i know?! So why am i missin u now? f u only said gudbye, i thnk i wud never feel dis way..

So why did you not tell me dat ur leavin? We went out several times with your cousins. And the last time that we wer together was so tiring. I really got tired of laughing coz u had so much jokes to say, not to mention all the teases you said to me..f only i knew that it was d last time that m gonna see you,i should’ve begged you to come with us to d dinner party..and i should’ve hugged you for d last tym..u asked 4 it, d’ya stil remember? but i didnt like to, coz u havent bathed yet & u said that ul not gonna bathe 4 3 days, so y shud i? the last time we talked, you said u love my spag. you even told me to cook something for ur cousin even if i really wanted to cook it for you. i teased u & u didnt get mad, was really wondrin’ why you were so kind to me that night. You even said gudbye before u hung up the fon..it made me think for awhile coz you were fond of ending calls even if i was still talking..if i just knew that it was the last tym that m gona hear ur voice, i shouldve said gudbye 2 my bestfrend?!

Did i already thank u 4 everything? well, thanks for comin’ to my life.3 yrs is short, but long enough to love someone like you who knows how to make me laugh even if you know how mad i was at you, long enough to miss someone who fetched me at 3 in the morning & brought me home when no one was watching, long enough to miss someone who sang "sway" with me in the bar..long enough to miss that someone who called me up just to let me know that he was lisning to "rainbow", long enough to miss d only guy hu sang sweet songs to me with his guitar on,long enough to miss someone hu used to gather my cousins just to have some beers, and gather his’ to have beer agen..long enough to miss someone who always went to our place & didnt even care of d people around us,..i miss you obviously..

so goobye to my b**y,goodbye to all the memris, d laughters, d call every 4am,d chipmunk voice u had whenever ur trippin me on d fon, d lies that uve said to me, d pambobola & pang-aasar..gubye to the man that i loved so much even there are lots of people who were tryin to destroy what we had..m happy that ur wish finally came true, m gonna go on now..this enough, m cryin now, dont want them to see me this way..but wait, m gona say something..which is ryt didnt come or didnt came? m just kiddin..i love you my pimp! no one could ever replace you in my life..=’(

" There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldnt expect you to understand or even believe it, but trust me, there are some love that dont go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity..somebody who never lets go..somebody who cherishes you forever…"